Married, but Children

I am sitting at my desk hearing one side of a phone conversation in the next cubicle that from both context and tone-of-voice is clearly my male colleague talking to his wife. The thing is; he does this all the time. It seems to me that he must spend close to half his day every day talking to his wife on the phone. Now some people may think that this is romantic, but to me it just seems dumb (and based on some overheard tidbits, I’m not sure that this marriage has all that much respect, let alone romance left in it anyway). Why can’t these two people deal with their personal lives together when they are – you know – actually together? Why does it have to be a phone call and why does it have to be 3 and 4 times each-and-every day for a half-hour or more?

I am not just criticizing this particular colleague. I have seen this same thing happen many times before in my working career too. It is as if these two people cannot function independently and must constantly lean on each other and consult  on what they are doing right now, what the plans for next weekend should be, how the traffic was when they drove in, what they want to have for dinner tonight or (most annoying) they pick up some intimate quarrel that they had left unfinished. Again I say – this isn’t cute – it is pathetic and in my opinion a warning flag of a weak marriage. For one thing it seems to me that a major reason why this particular couple does this is so that they can “hang-up on each other” when the going gets a little rough, which is a form of running away that would be much more difficult for them in a face-to-face encounter.

I sometimes communicate with my wife during the business day, usually by asynchronous text or e-mail (averaging maybe once-a-week), but also occasionally, in the rare time-sensitive or crisis situation, by phone (averaging maybe once-a-month). We do not however call several times on a daily basis just to check-in (or up) with each other. I am sure that my wife, who is a very competent and intelligent human being, can handle what life throws at her without ongoing assistance and advice from me. I too am perfectly capable of making basic decisions for myself without feminine validation and permission.  If something noteworthy does arise we will mention it to each other this evening, or the next day or whenever we happen to see each other again given our schedules.  We are, after all, not children.